How to Make a Decision When You Can't Decide: 7 Methods
Most hard decisions are hard because both options are reasonable. If one choice were clearly better, you would already have made it. The methods below do not give you a magic answer; they help you see what you already think, cut the time you spend going round in circles, and accept that a good enough choice made today often beats a perfect one made next month.
1. Write a weighted pros and cons list
In a 1772 letter to the chemist Joseph Priestley, Benjamin Franklin described what he called "moral algebra": write the reasons for a choice in one column and the reasons against in another, then cross out items of roughly equal weight on each side until one column is clearly heavier. The weighting is the important part. Ten small advantages can matter less than one big drawback, and seeing them on paper makes that obvious.
2. Use the 10-10-10 rule
The 10-10-10 rule, popularised by the writer Suzy Welch, asks three questions: how will I feel about this choice in 10 minutes, in 10 months and in 10 years? It separates short-term discomfort, such as an awkward conversation, from long-term consequences. Many decisions that feel huge today barely register at the 10-month mark.
3. Flip a coin and watch your reaction
Assign each option to heads or tails and flip a coin. The point is not to obey the coin. In the moment it lands, notice whether you feel relief or disappointment. That reaction tells you what you were hoping for.
There is research behind this. The economist Steven Levitt ran an online experiment in which about 20,000 people facing a decision, from quitting a job to ending a relationship, let a virtual coin suggest an answer. People were more likely to make a change when the coin said so, and those who made a change on important questions, such as quitting a job, reported being happier six months later than those who stayed put. The study suggests people facing a close call may be too cautious about change. For a quick version, the Yes or No Button does the same job in one tap.
4. Set a deadline and a "good enough" bar
The psychologist Barry Schwartz distinguishes "maximizers", who try to find the best possible option, from "satisficers", who choose the first option that meets their standards. In his research, maximizers often ended up with objectively better results but felt less satisfied with them. For everyday choices, decide what good enough looks like, give yourself a deadline, and take the first option that clears the bar.
5. Ask what you would tell a friend
Advice comes more easily for other people's problems. Psychologists call this self-distancing: describing your situation in the third person, or imagining a friend in it, tends to make reasoning calmer and less driven by anxiety. Write the decision down as if a friend had sent it to you, then answer them.
6. Check whether the decision can be undone
Some choices are easy to reverse: a restaurant, a paint colour, a trial membership. Others are hard to undo. Spend your thinking time on the second kind and decide the first kind quickly. If an option can be tried and reversed, trying it is often the fastest way to find out.
7. Let chance pick between equal options
When you have honestly compared the options and they come out even, more thinking will not help. Let a picker wheel or a die decide, then commit. Random choice between two good options saves time and stops the regret of endless second-guessing, because neither choice was a mistake.
A quick routine for small decisions
- Name the two or three real options.
- Ask whether the choice can be undone. If yes, give yourself five minutes.
- Do a quick pros and cons list, or the 10-10-10 check.
- Still even? Flip a coin and notice your reaction.
- Decide and move on.
These tools are meant for everyday choices. For medical, legal or major financial decisions, talk to a qualified professional.
Sources
- Franklin, B. (1772). Letter to Joseph Priestley, 19 September 1772 ("moral algebra"). Founders Online, US National Archives.
- Levitt, S. D. (2021). Heads or Tails: The Impact of a Coin Toss on Major Life Decisions and Subsequent Happiness. The Review of Economic Studies, 88(1), 378-405.
- Schwartz, B. et al. (2002). Maximizing versus satisficing: Happiness is a matter of choice. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 83(5), 1178-1197.
- Welch, S. (2009). 10-10-10: A Life-Transforming Idea. Scribner.
- Kross, E. and Ayduk, O. (2017). Self-distancing: Theory, research, and current directions. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 55, 81-136.
FAQ
What do you do when you cannot decide?
Narrow it to the real options, check whether the choice can be undone, then use a quick method such as a weighted pros and cons list or the 10-10-10 rule. If the options still come out even, let a coin decide and pay attention to how you feel about the result.
Does flipping a coin really help you decide?
It can. Your reaction to the result often shows what you wanted, and a large study by economist Steven Levitt found that people who made a change on important questions after a coin toss were happier six months later.
What is the 10-10-10 rule?
A way to judge a decision by asking how you will feel about it in 10 minutes, 10 months and 10 years, which separates short-term discomfort from long-term effects.
Is it bad to make decisions randomly?
For choices between options you have already judged to be equally good, random selection is a sensible tie-breaker. For important decisions, use it as a way to discover your preference, not as a substitute for thinking.